Other Failures

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Camera

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High Five

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Ironing

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Access

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Exit

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Geography

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Spelling

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Exercise


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Drunk

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Pole Dancer

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Driving Failures

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Parking 1


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Tram

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Motor Cycle 1


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Motor Cycle 2


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Parking 2


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Parking 3

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Bye Bye George

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'The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'
               - George W. Bush

'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.' 
           - George W. Bush

'One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.'              
            -George W. Bush

'I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.'
         - George W. Bush

'The future will be better tomorrow.'
             - George W. Bush

'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world.'
       - George W. Bush

'I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.'
         - George W Bush

'We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe . We are a part of Europe  '
          - George W. Bush

'Public speaking is very easy.'
           - George W. Bush

'A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.'
         - George W. Bush

'I have opinions of my own --
 strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.'
        - George Bush

'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'
          - George W. Bush

'For NASA, space is still a high priority.'
           -George W. Bush

'Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.' 
         - George W. Bush

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
          - George W. Bush

Insolvency crisis update

Back in the 1929 Financial Crash it was said that some Wall Street Stockbrokers and Bankers JUMPED from their office windows and committed suicide when confronted with the news of their firms and clients financial ruin . . .

many people were said to almost feel a little sorry for them . . . . . . .

In 2008 the attitude has changed somewhat:

 

 

 

 

 

 

insolvency

How logos will look like when the crisis is finally over...

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Curtain Rods

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day,  she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light;  she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything;  cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.  Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.  Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going..  He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ..

... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Enunciation

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided  it was finally time to get married .Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively-

"I would like it infrequently" she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses and leaned over towards her and whispered

"Is that one word or two?"

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Careful what you wish for...

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said:

"Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. 

“Now i have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great?  They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.

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