My Joke Site: July 2009

Evolution of Man

A little girl asked her mother:

'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered,

'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered,

'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,

'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered,

'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

Learning to swear

A 7 year old & a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we
started swearing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 7 year old says "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to
swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"

"Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he
wants for breakfast.

"Oh shit mum, I s'pose I'll have some Coco Pops"

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor,
got up, & ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old & asked with a stern voice,
"And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be fucking Coco Pops!"

The hippie & the bus driver

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her:

"Can we have sex?"

"No," she replies, "I'm married to God."

She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her."

"Yeah?" says the hippie.

"Yeah!" says the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippie decides to give it a go, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.