A Beautiful Message about Growing Old

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Bugger …

 

I’ve forgotten what it was …

Two Golfers

Two golfers were preparing to tee off the 9th hole when one of them noticed a hearse going along the road next to the course.

He abruptly stopped in mid swing, took of his hat and bowed his head.

“That was a very respectful thing to do, Fred.”

“Well it was the least I could do. I’ve been married to her for 47 years.”

Super Sex

Tom who had put his dad in a nursing home, decided he wanted to do something special for his lonely dad on his 90th birthday.

Tom called an escort service and said, "I want you to give my dad SUPER SEX!"

The clerk replied, "I have just the woman."

So right after lunch Tom’s dad was relaxing in his room watching Jeporady, when this beautiful woman walked in and said, "I'm here to give you super sex"

The old man said, "I'll take the soup."

Importance Of Negotiation

Negotiating with your Dentist is serious business

Sexual Difficulties for Oldies

After his exam the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after we have sex the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

Later, after examining the elderly gentleman's wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to discuss with me?" She replied she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then told her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied.

"That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is in January."

Coughing up the money

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..

He gives the young boy three 10 cent coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....

The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back..

The boy coughs up 2 of the 10 cent coins but is still choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his trousers; takes hold of the  boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then very firmly..

Tighter and tighter!!!

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the  10 cent coins, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor... Or a paramedic ? "

"No......." the woman replied.....

I'm with the Australian Tax Office."