An incredible story of luck and inspiration!

If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one.....

An incredible story of luck and inspiration!

Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.

Talk about LUCK!


Forget the new iPad - check out the extra new iShower

The New iShower:

  • Waterproof
  • Safe browsing, tweeting and emailing
  • Update your facebook friends while you wash
  • Perfect for geeks who have ideas in the shower

This week only:

Order now and you get the USB shampoo dispenser Free 
[normally $99]


© John Sawyer - January 2010

Two interesting years

Interesting year 1981

  1. Prince Charles got married
  2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
  3. Australia lost the Ashes
  4. The pope died

Interesting year 2005

  1. Prince Charles got married
  2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
  3. Australia lost the Ashes
  4. The pope died

Lesson to be learned:    

The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope!!

New Small Car for Women

For all of you "Car Buffs" out there...


Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.

They are mixing the Renault Clio and the Ford Taurus and calling it the "Clitaurus."

It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it,

Even if someone tells him where it is.


One  day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.  'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied  her up and went  golfing.


A  woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.  She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your  bags. I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I  pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get  out.'


Marriage  is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a  husband.


A  Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First,  of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with  the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the  optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.' 


Mother Superior called all the nuns  together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case  of gonorrhoea in the convent.'

'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the  back. 'I'm so tired of  chardonnay.'


A wife  was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her  husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some  more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!  TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE  BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER  listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?  Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget  to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the  world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' 

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels  like when I'm  driving.'

Retired Chemical Engineer – Making a difference

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.  It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.  Harold Sclumberg is such a person.


I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.

And I'm pretty damn good at it, too!!


New Airport Security – Check-in Procedures

For release at 0900 hrs January 3, 2010: Transport Canada in conjunction with the Department of Homeland Security of the US have cleared up the recent confusion about ‘carry on bags or not’ and the ‘pat down procedures’ on US bound flights by waiving all prior advisories about pat downs and carry on bags and clearly stating the new policy.

Effective January 4, 2010 at 0900 hrs, all passengers boarding all flights intending to land in the US must strip completely naked prior to check-in and both their carry on bags and clothes will be placed in a basket that customers can reclaim at their final designation.

This procedure will result in increased security and comfort for all passengers and will result in more on time departures. As most terrorists are Muslim men and their religion forbids them from seeing naked women, it further hoped that terrorists will avoid flights abiding by the new flight safety rules.

These new rules have been tested thoroughly in an open environment and most passengers seemed to both enjoy the new rules and easily conform. (today's photo of Pearson Airport @ 3:50 PM attached for news wire use).untitled

A glass of wine – public service announcement

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... clip_image001
And those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria  found in faeces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of crap.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.


Water = Crap,
Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink Wine and talk stupid, than to drink Water and be full of Shit.

There is no need to Thank Me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a Public Service!


Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen, table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."