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4 worms were placed into 4 separate jars.
1st worm was put into a container of alcohol.
2nd worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
3rd worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
4th worm was put into a container of clean soil.
Results:
1st worm in alcohol - Dead.
2nd worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
3rd worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
4thworm in clean soil - Alive.
What can you learn?
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife, then asked "is this your wife sir?".
Shocked I answered" yes"
They said "I’m afraid it looks like she’s been hit by a bus".
I said "I know, but she has a lovely personality and she’s good with the dog."
(Boom Boom)
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
The happiest time of anyone's life is just after the first divorce.
It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought.
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too.
Blackadder: Your brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.
Blackadder: Baldrick, in the Amazonian rain forests there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilisation who have developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.
Blackadder: George, who is using the family brain cell at the moment?
Blackadder: I lost closer friends than "darling Georgie" the last time I was deloused.
Baldrick: Shall I do my war poem, sir?
Blackadder: How hurt will you be if I give the honest answer, which is, "No - I'd rather French-kiss a skunk?"
Blackadder: For us, the Great War is finito, a war which would be a damn sight simpler if we just stayed in England and shot fifty thousand of our men a week.
Blackadder: We've been sitting here since Christmas 1914, during which time millions of men have died, and we've moved no further than an asthmatic ant with heavy shopping.
Blackadder: Give the likes of Baldrick the vote and we'll be back to cavorting druids, death by stoning and dung for dinner.
Blackadder: If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you start.
A friends Mum has invented a new craze – it’s called “plonking”.
You plonk yourself down in a chair with a glass of plonk and get someone to take your photograph.
Apparently it’s a real hit with the over 60’s.
