- Nick Helm: "I needed a password with eight characters so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."
- Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."
- Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time.' You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."
- Tim Key: "Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought...once you've hired the car..."
- Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."
- Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."
- Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."
- Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."
- Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."
- DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved... Heroin.”
Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2011
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